Moving to a new country is often considered a step-up, a symbol of success. I certainly thought so before I moved abroad. “The grass is always greener on the other side,” they say, and I believed it. That is, until I actually moved to the other side, to experience immigrant grief.
Those first few weeks were a blur of trying to figure things out. Everything from where the nearest bank was to how to navigate the grocery store felt like a monumental task. Finding a place to live was the first major hurdle. My husband had a job lined up, which was a huge relief, but we quickly discovered the rental market here in North America is very different from what we were used to in the UK. Apartments weren’t furnished, and landlords were reluctant to rent to us because we didn’t have a local credit score. They were asking for deposits of three to six months’ rent, which, while I later learned some of that is illegal in Canada, we couldn’t afford anyway. It felt like every door was closing.
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We were incredibly fortunate. Our Airbnb host, who also happened to be a realtor, took us under their wing. They helped us find a place and even helped us with food during those stressful first few weeks. I’ll never forget their kindness. People like Abdul, Nancy, and Anna were absolute angels. We finally settled in Mississauga, and my daughter started school. The first couple of months flew by. The weather was still nice, and the initial excitement kept us going.
It wasn’t until a few months later that I realized something wasn’t right. I felt constantly tired, unmotivated, and just…blah. I craved a social life, missed my family back home, and worried about the future. I even wanted to go back. I was going through a rollercoaster of emotions, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. It’s only now that I understand it was immigrant grief.
https://www.healmyheart.ca/blog/becoming-the-bridge-between-two-countries-immigration-grief-and-cultural-bereavement
It seems like most immigrants experience some form of grief, though some feel it more intensely than others. Many of my friends who had family nearby found the transition much easier. We didn’t know a soul, which made a huge difference. It’s interesting to see the statistics – while the majority of immigrants (36%) report their experiences in Canada as better than expected, a significant portion (24%) find it worse. It really highlights how varied the experience can be. And even though a lot of immigrants are happy with their early experiences, it doesn’t mean that the settling process wasn’t challenging.
The Longitudunal Survey of Immigrants to Canada (LSIC) shows just how important family and friends are during integration. While most immigrants already have some connections in Canada when they arrive, a large majority also make new friends, often from the same cultural background. This can be a real comfort, but it’s also important to connect with people outside your own community to really understand the local culture.
Looking back, I think what helped me the most was realizing that what I was feeling was normal. It’s a huge adjustment to move to a new country, and it’s okay to grieve for what you’ve left behind. It’s a complex process, but I’m hopeful and determined to build a good life here.
